When a friend says they need space. In fact, whether it is a boyfriend or a girlfriend, private space is indispensable. Everyone will have some little secrets in their hearts that they don’t want others to know.
Is space good for a friendship? Once a naughty psychologist did an embarrassing experiment. He stood in different positions in the men’s room, observed people urinating, and recorded how long it took for the observer to urinate. The result was not It goes without saying that the closer the observer is, the longer it takes for the observer to urinate.
Only when people have sufficient personal space can they feel safe, relaxed, and comfortable, and can do their own things without distractions and give full play to their creativity. When personal space is invaded, people feel anxious and angry.
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01 Animals also need space
When a friend says they need space. In the 1950s, the zoologist Heini Hediger, the director of the Zurich Zoo, systematically observed how animals adjust their distance to other animals.
An antelope grazes quietly. Mr. Heidegger walks towards it with a measuring tape in his hand. When the distance is reduced to a certain size, the antelope runs away. In the wild, when the antelope finds that the distance between the lion and itself has shrunk to a certain extent, it will run away, and then stop at a distance where it feels safe.
When a friend says they need space. Heidegger repeatedly measured this distance and found that this distance is regular. He called it the “escape distance”. Animals can only feel safe by keeping an escape distance from a potential attacker. Generally speaking, the larger the animal, the greater the escape distance required.
What do you do when your best friend needs space? According to Heidegger’s measurement, the gecko on the wall can make you walk a few meters away, and if you take a step closer, it will suddenly escape. The crocodile’s escape distance is up to 50 meters. When a friend says they need space. The escape distance of domestic animals is smaller than that of wild animals, and cattle and horses raised by farmers can make people walk less than one meter apart.
Heidegger’s research inspired the American psychologist Edward Hall, who published “Invisible Dimensions” in 1966, which became a classic in the field of “personal distance” research. Howe believes that humans are similar to domesticated animals, and the escape distance between people is relatively small. When a friend says they need space.
He also believes that in different cultures, the distance between people is different. For example, the personal distance between Arabs is small, and two people will stay close together when they talk, while the personal distance between British people is very large.
However, follow-up studies have shown that people in different cultural situations have the same need for personal distance, and everyone needs the same personal distance. If it is not forced to be helpless, everyone will feel comfortable and relaxed if they keep a certain distance from others.
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02 Distance represents different relationships
What does it mean if someone needs space? Howe divides four kinds of interpersonal distance, from small to large, they are “intimate distance”, “interpersonal distance”, “social distance” and “public distance”. Intimate distance is intimate, suitable for relatives, close friends, couples and couples. When two people stick together, they can’t focus their eyes when looking at each other and can’t see each other’s faces clearly. When a friend says they need space.
Does space help a broken relationship? Interpersonal distance is about one arm away, suitable for friendly conversations when acquaintances meet, or two people sitting opposite each other on the sofa. The social distance is slightly farther than an arm’s length, suitable for business meetings or conversations between strangers. Public distance is the distance between strangers who feel comfortable in public places.
When a friend says they need space. After Howe’s book was published, the psychologist did a series of experiments to test his hypothesis. The researcher asked the volunteer participating in the experiment to approach the other person, stopping when they felt too close and uncomfortable.
What does it mean when your friend says they need space? This research method has obvious flaws. These volunteers know that someone observes and measures themselves, and self-awareness may affect the test results. Later, psychologists adopted a more concealed research method. They selected the target in public, approached the target, and saw when the target went away.
When a friend says they need space. Everyone’s perception of distance will be affected by anxiety. When you feel stressed and anxious, the personal distance you need will expand. Researchers found that if a volunteer who participated in the experiment was asked to complete an exam, told him that his grades were poor, and then measured the interpersonal distance he needed, he would find that his interpersonal distance increased, and he would show that he refused to be thousands of miles away. High cold.
If you are under low pressure, for example, if you come to participate in an experiment, the researcher will praise you first, and the interpersonal distance you need will be shortened.
The perception of distance is also affected by gender, social status and other factors. For example, some studies have shown that women are sensitive to men approaching themselves and need to maintain a greater interpersonal distance.
People with authority need less interpersonal distance, especially when interacting with other people with high status and authority. Highly confident men need the least interpersonal distance. US President Trump is an example of this. Such people are praised by admirers, and when they feel airy, they need less interpersonal distance.
03 Social comfort means respect for personal space
When a friend says they need space. Around 1990, neuroscience research discovered a group of neurons in the human brain, specifically observing the distance between surrounding objects and one’s own body.
How do you know if a toxic friend needs space? When an object approaches, this group of neurons will fire. Some researchers call them “bubble neurons”, which means that the distance around the human body is like bubbles. Like a bubble, just like a shadow.
This group of neurons observes the distance between objects and their own body, especially the distance from the trunk and head, and initiates withdrawal and defense responses.
This group of neurons is closely related to people’s social behavior. They measure, calculate and adjust the distance between people, calculate the sense of security, and adjust the response to others.
When we interact with people, we manage the physical distance according to the nature of the relationship and the distance, so that we can be polite and decent, and make the other person feel comfortable.
When a friend says they need space. When we interact with strangers, keeping a sufficient distance is a sign of respect for others. When queuing at stations, shops, and banks, if the people behind are too close to you, or even stick to you, you will feel uncomfortable and feel that your personal space has been violated.
Does time apart help a relationship? Nowadays in public spaces, there are still some people who do not respect others’ personal spaces, crowding or even pushing others in order to get services as soon as possible.
In addition, in a shared closed space such as high-speed rail trains, making loud calls, or watching videos and listening to the radio without headphones, is also considered to be the use of voice to invade the personal space of others.
When a friend says they need space. Nowadays, a lot of social activities are transferred to the Internet. When we talk on WeChat, we break away from the physical distance. In face-to-face interaction, the physical interpersonal distance between the bodies disappears. We seem to be dealing with intangible information, out of the dimension of distance.
It is more difficult for people to restrain themselves when communicating online, and they are more likely to attack each other, which is also a manifestation of the destruction of social distancing.
How do you know if a relationship is worth saving? Everyone needs their own “personal space”, which is not only a physical space, but also a psychological space. We manage the relationship with others, to a large extent the management of distance and space with others.
When a friend says they need space. Scientific research has revealed the importance of personal space for interpersonal relationships. Let us start from ourselves, manage our body and voice, and leave enough personal space for the people around us, and hope The managers of public places such as stations, carriages, shopping malls, etc. create conditions so that everyone can have a comfortable personal space.