Is my marriage over quiz? Have you ever wanted to test love? Have you ever wanted to test how much the other half is sincere to you? Do you want to know how much your feelings are worth in the other’s heart?
Perhaps, no matter whether you have done this or not, these thoughts may have surfaced in your heart more or less: “Do you really love me?” “How long will you love me?” “What is your love? My people, or my money?”
Is my marriage over quiz? It’s just that some people have used the reins of reason to hold the “distrust” wild horse in their hearts. Some people are trying their best to tame this wild horse with the sincerity of love. Therefore, even if it is tested, it gradually becomes gentler and easier to accept. But some people let this “skeptical” wild horse rush to the cliff of emotion, ruining love, perishing in love, and cold in heart.
Is my marriage over quiz? Hayao Miyazaki said: “The farthest journey is from one’s body to one’s heart, from one’s heart to another’s heart.”
The hardest thing for us to reach is the heart of each other. Can your love stand the test?
Why do we test our feelings?
(I’m Calliope,I’m an emotional writer from China, first, thank you for your follow, I’m very happy you can read my article, if you have the following questions:
1. Premarital, Post-marital relationship problems advice;
2. Problems about how to find a girlfriend;
3. Problems about the process of love.
Is my marriage over quiz? Let’s tell a story, a story that takes “emotional test” to the extreme, and that is “Blue Beard”.
Blue Beard changed wives one after another, and then used a key and a secret room to seduce them, but unable to pass the test, he killed them one by one. The cruelest part of this story is that Blue Beard doesn’t seem to really want to find someone who loves him without temptation, but just to prove the infidelity of these women and enjoy the pleasure of insulting them.
What’s more worth thinking about is that after Blue Beard’s death, his wife turned into a second Blue Beard like a demon. She is also repeating the same game, changing men one after another, not to find true love, but to prove that these men are worthless, and then kill them one by one to enjoy the thrill of trampling.
Men and women are so keen to test each other, test love, and even test to the extreme. Why is this?
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01 The test of love is distrust of others
From a psychological point of view, to test love, first is the distrust of the partner, and then it can extend to the distrust of others.
Is my marriage over quiz? Such a person, looking back at his early relationship, parents often cannot make babies feel safe. Whenever a child has a need, they may either fail to respond to the child in a timely manner, or treat the child in some rude ways. In short, the child will conclude that “parents are unreliable.” For babies, parents are equivalent to the world, and the seeds of their unreliability are “people are unreliable”.
Is my marriage over quiz? Therefore, when they enter an intimate relationship, these hidden traumatic beliefs will emerge, and the psychological regression brought about by intimacy itself will also make it difficult for people without sufficient self-awareness. Reconcile the relationship between doubt and distrust and love within yourself.
02 A deeper level is the distrust of human emotions.
Is my marriage over quiz? People who are keen to test love, in fact, are often full of doubts about love and even all emotions deep in their hearts. Such people may have had trauma in their early mother-infant relationship.
As I grew up, I continued to feel that my parents’ acceptance of myself is very conditional, such as being good, sensible, obedient, good grades, and able to work. And if parents are no longer good at expressing emotions, or even stiff and stubborn attitudes, children will feel more likely to feel that they are not recognized by themselves, and they are only allowed to exist because their parents have met certain conditions.
Is my marriage over quiz? Therefore, they will subconsciously be suspicious of feelings and think that feelings are the product of conditions being met. And the more such a person, the more he desires unconditional love. Therefore, when facing one’s own intimacy, they can’t help but doubt and want to verify love. I want to verify love, but I am afraid of being verified, which negates my childhood trauma. Just like Blue Beard is probably a little boy who is not accepted by his mother.
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Only by proving that “sure enough, women can’t be satisfied” can he say to himself, “It’s not your fault, but your mother is an insatiable woman. It is normal for you not to be accepted.” At the same time, his killing of his wives is also a revenge on his mother again and again.
03 Deeper, the test of love is also the distrust of oneself.
Is my marriage over quiz? The more inferior people are, the easier it is to test others and test their feelings. Deep in their hearts, they are deeply unworthy, and they have even determined that “I am not worthy of love”.
And testing others is not only the result of their inferiority drive, but also the pleasure of putting themselves on the moral high ground to judge others’ emotions. Still like Blue Beard, every trial of his wife is like an accusation of his unfair treatment in his early years and a reiteration of his own interests.
Is my marriage over quiz? This will make him feel that he is powerful, so as to escape the inner weakness and low self-esteem. Of course, on the other hand, every moment when you can’t help but want to test love, it can also be a good opportunity to see your heart.