Why do people say I don’t want to be loved novel? When others express good feelings for themselves, some people will be both happy and scared, because they think that the other party is just cheated by the illusion they show. In fact, they are not as good as Ta imagined. They are not worthy of love, so they dare not enter a relationship, for fear that the other party will not like themselves after finding out the truth.
“What he likes is the person I play, not the real me.”
“I’m not as good as he thought.”
“I’m not worthy of him, I’m not worthy of love,” even in a close relationship.
They will also be wary, careful to maintain the feelings, feel like a liar. I think the reason why my partner hasn’t left is that he hasn’t found out who I really am. Have you ever felt like a liar in an intimate relationship? Think you’re not worth being loved at all?
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Impostor: those excellent and humble people. Imposter syndrome refers to such a state that they think they are not worthy of all the achievements they have achieved, the state they are in, the love they have received, and that they are a fake.
Many people in the eyes of the secular world have such a feeling: “I am overestimated, I actually have no real talent, and even feel like a liar.” They are often unable to internalize their achievements into their own abilities. And the impostors have similar feelings in the intimate relationship, their mind is always circulating such a sentence: “I don’t deserve this.”.
Why do people say I don’t want to be loved novel? They always feel that what he likes is just me pretending to be me; When he saw the real me, he would be disappointed and leave me; When he showed me a good feeling, I couldn’t accept it; I don’t think I’m worth it;
Because of this, when people like to express to themselves, they always shrink back and refuse, thinking that they are not lovable. But the impostors in love always feel that they don’t deserve to have a good partner. In the face of their partner’s care and love, they shout at the bottom of their heart: I’m a fake… I’m not as good as you think.
Impostors usually have low self-esteem on the level of consciousness. They always treat themselves negatively, think that they are not worthy of others, and think that they are not worthy of being loved. Therefore, in the face of love thrown by others, they will limit themselves to accept it, so as to avoid conflict with their negative cognition.
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Why can’t impostors accept the love of others? In fact, it’s more difficult for impostors to accept love than to give it. Accepting the action itself puts them in a passive position and loses their sense of control over the relationship. Therefore, they prefer to keep a distance from others, rather than because they accept the love of others, and make themselves at a disadvantage.
In addition, it is the avoidant attachment style that makes them unable to accept love. Intimacy with a partner can make avoidant attachment people uncomfortable, and they can’t completely trust or rely on their partner. Because in the early interaction with the caregivers, the mother’s attitude to seeking attachment may be indifferent, unable to get emotional response, making them feel very painful. This kind of painful experience makes them form the habit of actively avoiding the love from others.
How to get rid of the label of “impostor”? First of all, if you think it’s me, it’s me. Mo Fang, you are definitely not a person. Psychological researchers have found that nearly 70% of people are troubled by this problem, which is quite a large proportion. But impersonator syndrome is not a mental disorder, it is just a label that we limit ourselves.
Why do people say I don’t want to be loved novel? If you want to get rid of the label of “impostor” and develop and enjoy intimacy better, you may as well try the following suggestions: set up your own boundaries, because you think you are “not good” and “not worthy of each other”, and desperately want to make yourself better to match each other, A person who is troubled by impersonator syndrome is often easy to sacrifice his boundaries in the intimate relationship and force himself to compromise and compromise in all aspects.
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But in fact, protecting our own borders is the premise for others to respect and love us. You don’t have to look down on yourself. Excessive modesty in an intimate relationship is not a virtue, it makes you lose yourself. Behavior changes belief, thought and attitude can indeed guide our behavior, but the powerful power of behavior is often ignored. You can “think” through “doing” and change your negative belief through action.
When your partner expresses love, praise and encouragement to you, first try not to refute, then from never refuting to accepting, and then to accepting generously. For example, when your partner praises you for your beauty, you may shyly say “no, I don’t have a pretty face” at the beginning, and then “thank you”. When you are no longer ashamed of this kind of kindness, you may be able to confidently say: “nonsense, I don’t know I am beautiful ~” (if you meet a girl who gives this kind of response, you must cherish this healthy girl!)
In fact, it’s not that they are not good enough, but that they believe they are not good enough, which hinders them from developing a stable and intimate relationship. Rooted in the heart of the impostor is a deep self doubt. It takes a supportive relationship, time and patience to stop questioning yourself. In a safe consulting relationship, the counselor can accompany you unconditionally to analyze the tangles in your heart and help you find yourself worthy of love and full of strength.
In a healthy and intimate relationship, the relationship between the two sides is equal. There is no need to look down on the other side or belittle oneself. A lot of times we feel very humble in the face of each other, because: you don’t know how good you are.
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Why do people say I don’t want to be loved novel? Here are six counselors who are good at dealing with the problem of impersonation syndrome. If you are troubled by a similar problem in an intimate relationship, they can help you.
Why do people say I don’t want to be loved novel @Tom
Sometimes we will participate in and build intimate relationship with our ideal self, but when we look back, we find that our real self is never absent. To some extent, it is our real self that determines the quality and direction of the relationship“ “I don’t deserve to have” and “I don’t deserve to be loved” are usually part of my true self, but they have been excluded from me for many years, and they even don’t want to see this part of myself.
As a counselor of psychological dynamic orientation, I understand that it is easy to know but difficult to do. I will be in a safe, inclusive and attuned relationship with visitors, in an atmosphere of being respected, seen and heard, so that they can feel complete and free, and grow courage, strength and interest to explore, find and accept their true appearance.
Why do people say I don’t want to be loved novel @Katrina
Visitors with impostor syndrome always cater to others. They try to be themselves that others like and feel that this is the only way to keep a relationship with others. As a consultant, I will be sensitive to their careful exploration, establish a safe and trusting relationship with visitors in a slow, gentle and patient way, help them gradually identify their feelings, reactions and thoughts towards me, and dare to express them, so that they can feel that their true self is accepted and has its unique value, Teach them to dare to defend their rights and interests in front of me, so as to transfer this to the relationship with others.
Why do people say I don’t want to be loved novel @Peng Bing
In their hearts, the real self is bad, and must not be found, otherwise the good image of hard work in front of others will be shattered. However, the more you deny your true feelings, the fiercer your inner cry will be. The more you feel that everything you have is unstable and may collapse at any time. If you are him, are you willing to let me accompany you and approach your true self to see if it is really so untouchable? If you accept yourself completely, will life end up in a mess, or will it be full of vitality and freedom?
Why do people say I don’t want to be loved novel @Chris
People with “impostor syndrome” in intimate relationships often like to look for their ideal selves in the eyes of their lovers, just like children looking for themselves in their mother’s eyes when they were young. The parts loved by their mother shine, and the parts not loved fall to the ground and become fragments. However, every fragment has been waiting for their mother’s shining eyes… As a counselor, I’m looking forward to gazing at each piece of scattered fragments together with visitors, and slowly restoring and integrating!
Why do people say I don’t want to be loved novel @Martin
Everyone is eager to be loved and afraid that the worst parts we can’t accept will be mercilessly criticized or even abandoned once they are discovered by each other. So, it seems that hiding that part will become safe, but we feel unreal because of losing this part, and live forever in the fear of being abandoned. In the process of consultation, we need to face the deep fear in our hearts. Maybe there will be doubts and fears in our hearts. All these will gradually appear in the consultation relationship and eventually bring about self understanding and acceptance.
Why do people say I don’t want to be loved novel @Alexandria
Life has become a show. You do your best to please the audience. You long for unconditional love, but deeply doubt whether it exists. I dare not show my true self, because I have never been accepted. I will provide a safe environment. You can express any thoughts and emotions here. I can understand your desire and fear for a real relationship. We will also feel you as you are. I know it takes courage to have me with you.
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